"Other" Sports News

It struck me today, as I was reading through the same old boring news about playoff basketball, early season baseball, this weekend's much anticipated NFL draft, and all the other sports that we Americans find interesting, that very little attention is given to the sports news happening in other parts of the country and the world. So here it is, snippets from 'Other' Sports news.

In an unprecendented move, the 2007 Tour de France has been indefinitely cancelled by officials of that race (nobody really knows who they are), who also stripped all but one rider of their 2006 Tour standings due to doping test results. The move came after officially stripping American Floyd Landis of his 2006 title as a result of failed tests. Wim Vansevenant of Belgium, who finished last in the race at #139 is now officially recognized as the sole participant and winner of the 2006 Tour. He broke down in tears of jubilation when informed of the decision, then double-pumped his fists in the air shouting, "I'm #1 finally, eat that Grandmama!" in his native language. When asked to comment on this move, head of the FDC (French Doping Council) Pierre Bordry had this theory. "I can only assume this year's race was cancelled because there were only two cyclists left that had no trace of doping in their systems. Unfortunately, they were the two crappiest cyclists in the field, which stands to reason, since they weren't doping. In regards to the 2006 standings, I can only say that after 15 or 16 various and random tests on each cyclist, conducted over a period of several months, the results were, for the most part, conclusive. Even though it's really the only way to get through this ridiculously grueling race, we don't want to encourage doping. They may just have to cancel this race until contestants can learn to do it cleanly. Times may suffer, and most will never finish, but until I find something better to do with all my free time, that is the only solution. That, and to pretend that the 2006 Tour didn't happen."

Just when you think the most dangerous sport is boxing, world soccer, or even rugby, along comes...cricket? In a story that has brought cricket to the forefront of international sports news (the actual sport itself certainly couldn't), the coach of the Pakistan team, Bob Woolmer was found dead in his hotel room in Kingston, Jamaica following a loss to Ireland. Initial reports assumed the 58 year old coach had died of natural causes because he was 'such a large man'. However, local police have determine that his death was the result of 'manual strangulation'...as opposed to 'automatic strangulation', which is usually less work and faster. Cricket haters in India and Pakistan, where the sport is most popular, claim his death is finally exposing cricket's 'ugly' side.

In Newark, NJ, a judge found Zamboni operator John Peragallo not guilty of drunk driving on a zamboni because 'they aren't usable on highways and can't carry passengers.' The 64 year old Peragallo, whose blood alcohol level was 0.12 percent when he almost crashed into the boards while working, said "I did drink some beer and vodka on the zamboni, but not until after I'd smoothed out the ice. Now, I did have a little shot of Sambuca with my coffee and two valium pills in the car on the way to work, but I wasn't on the zamboni at the time." Asked if he might have a drinking problem, Peragallo snorted, "Hey, I had a little fun in the zamboni, just to blow off steam because speeding on the ice is fun, but that don't have nothin' to do with alcohol. Hell, I woulda done that sober. I was found not guilty, no problem here."

In Anchorage Alaska, Iditarod musher Ramy Brooks has been disqualified for abusing his team of 10 dogs approximately 90 miles from the finish line. Apparently, race officials consider hitting his dogs with a trail marker abuse, but forcing the dogs to run some fat Alaskan and all his crap in a big sled through 1,150 miles of frozen tundra and jagged mountainous terrain in blinding winds and blizzards is not.