Pujols Pissed

It was a wet and soggy dugout. The fans had cleared the stands, and the players had retired to their clubhouses. Even the umps had gone home. But there, in the visitor's dugout, sat a sweating Albert Pujols, sitting on his hands and shaking his head in dismay.

At one point, he went back out onto the field, demanding to grounds crew personnel to get the umps and players back out on the field so the Cards would have a chance to get back in the game. "It's not raining that hard, come on let's go, a little water never hurt nobody," Pujols said as rain pelted down, blinding him as he spit water-filled words out. But the game had been called, and he was told to go back to his hotel.

"It ain't fair man. They didn't really beat us, so it don't count in my record book. I said it last year, and I'll say it again...he [Glavine] ain't that good," said an angry Pujols. "MLB might count this in the standings, but I don't."

In a 2-0 loss that ended with a rain-out after 5 1/2 innings, Glavine gave up only 1 hit and seemed back to top form after mightily struggling his last few games. Pujols still thought he sucked, calling him a '50 year old chump'.

"That whole team sucks, man, they just been lucky. OK, so they got a better record than us...and better players...and less injuries, but other than that, they suck. We're the world champions!" continued Pujols.

It was late, and the press wanted to get home, but Pujols had other plans. In a desperate attempt to be heard, and to get the game underway again, he tried to barracade the exit so the press would be stuck at Shea Stadium. However, in his rage, he got confused and blocked the wrong door, locking a janitor in the closet for 30 minutes as the press snuck out the main door.

Pujols will try to help his Cards to a split this four game series against the Mets tonight when Wainwright takes the mound, facing El Duque. He should be plenty ready at the plate, as he took a 10 hour batting practice after releasing the janitor and has been on the field ever since, working on post home run bat flips and base rounding celebrations, including a chest pounding routine that he promises will 'thrill even the stupid New York fans'.