Favre Faces Tough Decisions

Brett Favre's had a rough week. Just look at his daily agenda:

Sunday, May 13
7:00 AM - Breakfast
8:00 AM - Call reception hall and arrange plans for Brittany's high school graduation party
9:00 AM - Go to celebrity golf tournament
12:00 PM - Lunch
2:00 PM - Snacktime
3:00 PM - Bitch to media about not getting the troubled Randy Moss in the off-season
3:05 PM - Point out that Moss would have preferred playing with an aging QB on a .500 team instead of for a QB in his prime that's won 3 of the past 6 superbowls on a really good team
3:07 PM - ...for less than 3 million
3:15 PM - Make a subtle hint that I might want to be traded
5:00 PM - Dinner
6:00 PM - Send out 1000 invitations for Brittany's high school graduation party

Monday, May 14
10:00 AM - Breakfast
10:30 AM - Call caterer and make sure we can get the shrimp puffs for Brittany's high school graduation party.
11:00 PM- Take a nap after working so hard on Brittany's high school graduation.
1:00 PM - Lunch
2:00 PM - Call agent and release statement that I do not nor have I ever wanted to be traded
3:00 PM - Snacktime
4:00 PM - Order ten different green and gold cakes for Brittany's graduation from the bakery.
5:00 PM - Dinner
7:00 PM - Arrange for 750 padded fold up chairs for Brittany's graduation party

Tuesday, May 15
11:00 AM - Breakfast
11:30 AM - Interview DJs for Brittany's high school graduation party
12:00 PM - Call agent to bitch about Moss again, then write it off to 'frustration'
12:10 PM - Mention that I might want to be traded again, or maybe retire
1:00 PM - Lunch
2:00 PM - Continue interviewing DJs for Brittany's high school graduation party
3:00 PM - Snacktime
3:30 PM - Call Sun-Herald and casually mention that I don't intend to participate in minicamp because of Brittany's graduation and my bum ankle.
3:35 PM - Reiterate that I'm just 'frustrated' and 'emotional', not that I want to be traded
3:37 PM - Mention Brittany's high school graduation party
3:40 PM - Call ESPN to tell them that being pissed off and not going to minicamp are not related
3:45 PM - Call repairman to get dad-blamed hoveround fixed
4:00 PM - Order cheeseplates for Brittany's graduation party
5:00 PM - Dinner
7:00 PM - Make sure there is plenty of alcohol for the adults to get plastered at Brittany's graduation party

Wednesday, May 16
12:00 PM - Brunch with Brittany to discuss appropriate outfits for her graduation party
1:00 PM - Order special orgami napkins for Brittany's graduation party
1:30 PM - Call Trudy at the Packer's front office to get the latest scoop on minicamp
2:00 PM - Call ESPN to let them know that I've changed my mind about attending minicamp
2:05 PM - Remember to mention that it had nothing to do with [coach] McCarthy's comments on it being 'mandatory'
3:00 PM - Snacktime - Test creampuffs for Brittany's graduation party
4:00 PM - Call agent to bitch about my ankle and how tired I am from party planning
4:15 PM - Reiterate that I do NOT want to be traded or retire!
5:00 PM - Dinner
6:00 PM - Call and yell at my financial advisor for suggesting I hire a professional party planner for Brittany's graduation party since I have millions of dollars to spend, then fire her
6:05 Pm - Call and apologize to said financial advisor for getting 'emotional' and write it off as being 'frustrated', rehire her

6:30 PM - Get my drink on with the alcohol ordered for Brittany's graduation party
7:00 PM - Call and yell at new coach, asking him who he thinks he is, I have a ring
8:00 PM - Pass out
10:00 PM - Make David Hasselhoffesque video so I can get on Youtube.com


Thursday, May 17
11:00 AM - Wake up in drunken stupor, have a few mimosas with a big brunch
12:00 PM - Take a long nap
3:00 PM - Snacktime
4:00 PM - Call and yell at agent out of boredom
4:10 PM - Apologize to agent for being 'emotional' and 'frustrated', that maybe it's time to be traded or retire
5:00 PM - Dinner
7:00 PM - Crank call new coach again, as well as stupid Packer's spokesman

Friday, May 18
9:00 AM - Breakfast
10:00 AM - Arrive at Packer's facility on hoveround.
10:30 AM - Give guys pep talk and remind them I don't want to be traded or retire
11:00 AM - Hold clipboard, cheer for the guys, and bring water on hoveround when needed
12:00 PM - Lunch
1:00 PM - Accidentally run over new coach's foot and into his knee to teach him lesson about making minicamp mandatory for me, and crank call team spokesman again with a fake bomb threat, evacuating the front office out of building
1:30 PM - Pat new coach on the back with a "Kick Me" sign
2:00 PM - Call agent to let him know I might want to be traded or retire
2:30 PM - Throw football at back of new coach's head to remind him who's boss in Green Bay, openly admit I did it
3:00 PM - Snacktime
4:00 PM - Call agent back to let him know that I definitely don't want to be traded or retire
5:00 PM - Dinner
6:00 PM - After Brittany shows me my drunken video from the night before after plastering it on Youtube, I'll record myself calling her a 'selfish pig' Alec Balwin style, then post the soundclip of that on Youtube so I can get a little more publicity. Alec and David ain't got nothin' on me!
7:00 PM - Apologize to Brittany for calling her a pig and write it off on being 'frustrated' and 'emotional'
8:00 PM - Call Ahman to tell him how much I miss him after being at camp all day