Tennessee Titan's star cornerback 'Pacman' Jones is tired of it all. Tired of being singled out. Tired of being made the example. Tired of being blamed for everything. And he promises it won't be the last time.
"I'm sorry, what else can I say? I have good excuses for all of my 'infarctions' with the law, but nobody wants to let me explain. It's like they want me to fail. This latest speeding ticket was just bad timing. But look, I have a really good reason. See, what had happened was that I had gone out with a friend to a strip club. Now, in my defense, I didn't want to go. His girlfriend had just broken up with him on account of his slept with another woman, but anyway, point is that he was real depressed. So I took him out, you know, to get his mind off things. I wasn't really even having that much fun. I even tried private lap dances with three different girls. Nothing. Anyway, I lost track of time, you know, trying to cheer my friend up, and before I knew it, it was past my [self-imposed] curfew of midnight. I don't know why I didn't have my driver's license on me, I must have left it in my other pocket, or one of the strippers pick-pocketed me or something. I had my money roll, it's hard to roll with stuff that makes your wallet fatter, like a driver's license. Anyway, I was speeding so I could get home before being an hour past curfew so I could show Roger [Goodell] how serious I am about cleaning up my act. I mean, if that don't convince him, that I'm willing to get an expensive ticket to get home by 1 AM, I don't know what will."
Manny Arora, Jones' lawyer just put his face in his hands, shaking his head. "Well, I can't really 'no comment' after that friggin' brilliant statement by my client, can I now? Geez, what a moron! See what I have to deal with. Does anybody feel a little sorry for me?"
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