Transcript Of Latest Clemens Interview

M: Roger, we've heard a lot of criticism about the current plan you have to be at games only when you start. What do you think about that?
R: I don't.
M: Most recently, relief pitcher Kyle Farnsworth has come out to say that he doesn't think anybody should be allowed to be on a 'family plan' which allows them to miss games in which they aren't pitching. How do you respond to that?
R: Kyle who?
M: Farnsworth.
R: Who does he play for?
M: Uh...I believe the same team you do...the Yankees.
R: Hmmm, never heard of him. What's his ERA?
M: I think...uh...4.41...career is 4.44.
R: And how many Cy Young awards does he have?
M: Ummm--
R: And how many rings?
M: I don't-
R: What's he makin' this year?
M: 5.7 million?
R: Pocket change to me...do you see where I'm goin' here?
M: Sure...when do you think you'll get your first start, and where do you hope it will be?
R: Well, I'd love to wait until September to kind of see where we are and if there's any chance I can actually get something out of this deal besides a phat paycheck...but really, I'd love stick it to Boston in Fenway Park at the beginning of June, so that might be doable. Depends on if they let me make the entrance I want to.
M: What would that be?
R: (Big grin breaking out) Well, I'm glad you asked. I'm really excited about it, and I think it's gonna be REALLY cool. OK, imagine a sunny day, not a cloud in the sky. The national anthem's just been sung, and the first pitch is thrown out. Home team's just gotten their first three outs, and the bottom of the 1st inning is about to start. The Yankees take the field, leaving the mound empty. Suddenly...the loudspeakers start "Money for Nothing" with that wicked awesome keyboard intro real low, building in volume. Then the drums come in, "budadum...budadum budadump", as the drums go crazy, the crowd's anticipation mounts. It hits the peak and the guitar comes in. That's when I zipline down a rope to the mound to wild applause "Ahhhhhh, AHHHHHHHH, Rocket, we love you, WE LOVE YOU!!!" Now, that's if the Boston organization lets me, because it's in their ballpark and all. I hope they're not selfish about it, because the fans would love it. I got a whole bunch a other ideas too. A different grand entrance for each start. I'm going land on the mound by helicopter one game in Yankee stadium, then another with a prop plane. Another start's gonna involve a bungee cord, but I don't wanna give that one away. One with a Nascar car where Dale Jr. drives me to work, that ones gonna be kickin'! One with a Harley. Maybe I'll drag that Farnswald kid behind the bike hog-tied. Another with a chariot of gold. Also thinkin' about comin' in on a hover board, but I'm not sure if the Spiderman people would let me use the Green Goblin one.
M: ...
R: Pretty cool huh?