Giants To Make Drinking In Clubhouse Mandatory

After the Mets beat the Giants 4-2 Thursday night to win the 3 game series, blanking Bonds, the Giants are considering making drinking in the clubhouse mandatory. Giants manager Bruce Bochy made the following statement at a press conference.

"St. Louis banned alcohol in their clubhouse almost a month ago, considering banning it on the road as well. Other teams have done it. The Mets, the Yankees, the Pirates. So, when you consider the Cards won the World Series last year, and you got a bunch of winning teams who all had alcohol in the clubhouse when they were winning (except for the Pirates, I don't think it matters if they drink or not, they're just bad), you can see the correlation.

Now, look at the Cards, they suck. The Yankees? Horrible. The Pirates...stinkorama. The Mets have been doing well, but there's another example of I don't think it matters if they drink or not, if you're good, you're good.

Anyway, point I'm trying to make is, we haven't been drinking and we're 2 games under .500 after paying that hack pitcher $126 million and locking him in for 7 years. Last year, we didn't drink and we ended the season 9 games under .500. Coincidence? I think not.

I think the obvious problem here is not that we have been drinking, but that we haven't been drinking, even when it was allowed. But all that's gonna change, we need to do things more as a team. Too bad we just traded 'Balkin Benitez' to Florida, I think he was already drinking without us, so he probably would have enjoyed this new requirement.

So, we'll start out on the road, since we take buses and planes everywhere and won't have to drive, and we'll start out slow. Nothing hard, just beer, wine, maybe some kamikaze shots. Then, if all goes well, we'll move on to the harder stuff and maybe even do it in the home clubhouse too. Sure, we'll get a few DUIs here and there...but that's par for the course in professional sports anyway, isn't it?"