Kobe Definitely Wants To Be Traded...Maybe...Nevermind

Taking a page out of Brett Favre's book, Kobe Bryant has had a very busy week so far. Here's a look at his daily diary.

Monday, May 28, 2007
Dear Diary,
It's been a few years since Shaq left LA, and as much as it pains me to say it, I miss the big ogre. Even though I didn't want him here anymore, I didn't want him to go and win a championship with somebody else. Then after I got coach Jackson out of here, I missed Phil after that drunkard Rudy came and made our team really stink. It's like, he'd just show up, tell us to practice for two hours, and then disappeared until the next practice. Who knows what the guy was even doing. At least Phil stayed in the gym and watched. He didn't really have a plan or talk much, but he was there. Now, we have all these nobodies who can't score any baskets or play D, and I'm not any closer to another ring...I feel so lonely. If only they had listened to me and gotten Carlos Boozer, our problems would be solved. Or if they had gotten I think I will demand...no, suggest...that the Lakers bring Jerry West back, because I think that's the real problem. Mitch Kupchak is a sh...crappy GM, and even though Jerry has nothing to work with, I'm sure he can fix things here. Diary, I know I've been a selfish guy who thought he could do it alone, but I can't. I'm man enough to say that. Thanks for listening, you're my only friend.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Dear Diary,
I'm SO excited! ESPN's Marc Stein wrote that Jermaine O'Neal might be coming to LA in his blog!!! I don't know if it's true, but if it is, I can't believe it! I feel like I might be dreaming. He also mentioned Jason Kidd and Kevin Garnett. I didn't read the particulars, but just seeing those names mentioned with mine, can you imagine? I can. I can see it now. Jason Kidd, point guard, yours truly, shooting guard, whoever at the 3 spot, KG at power forward, and O'Neal at center. Oh man, I think I might cry. Don't know if you remember, diary, but Jermaine and I were drafted during the same year, and we've become good friends. Of course, if he comes here and doesn't help me win, he's gone, but for now, he's a good friend. I think Jerry West could get this deal done, but now everybody's saying I'm demanding a trade. I better tell the newspapers one more time that I didn't demand a trade, it was just a suggestion. The good news is, Dick Vitale says I'm not going anywhere in his blog, so that's good. I have no idea who that guy is, but he must be somebody to have his own blog on ESPN. As always, you're the best. You understand me like no other.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007
7:00 AM
Dear Diary,
I can't believe it. I'm SO mad right now. I heard from a cousin of the guy who's the brother of the dude that sells jerseys at Staples Center, that I was the one who forced Shaq and Phil out of town years ago. Unbelievable. I've never heard anything so preposterous, where is this coming from? It's like somebody made up the most ridiculous story they could think of and ran to the newspapers, who immediately printed it! I never wanted Shaq to leave, I just wanted him to acknowledge and take a back seat to my brilliance. Is that so hard to understand or do? Phil too, he kept flashing all of his championship rings in front of my face, saying, "Hey Kobe, do you have one for each finger? I have no idea what I'm going to do with an 11th ring...maybe wear it on a chain around my neck?" I got sick of sharing the spotlight with them, why should I? I'm the best ever, right? Anyway, I'm about to go do a radio interview with some guy in New York. Small potatoes, so I'll blow off some steam and tell him how I really feel, the LA press would just blow it up and make me look like the bad guy. I knew you'd believe in me diary, you always have. Thanks again.

11AM
I can't believe my agent or publicist or SOMEBODY didn't tell me lots of people listen this Steven A. Smith guy in New York! SO embarrassing! And YOU, diary. You should have told me, I thought you had my back! But I can't be mad at you, you're the only one who stands by me, through everything. OK, I'll tell you what happened. So, I went off about how the Lakers have been treating me badly, and how an 'insider' told the press about how I drove Shaq and Phil out of town, which wasn't true. And this guy even said Shaq sided with me. Well, I told Smith everything, my idle threats, my anger, with the idea that nobody would ever hear any of my comments. I told that dude nothing would make me change my mind about wanting to be traded. Now, I have to backtrack and go on a bunch of radio shows here in LA and stuff so that I don't get traded. You have any idea how idiotic that makes me look? Anyway, again, thanks for always being there for me, diary. Hugs and kisses.

Thursday, May 31, 2007
Dear Diary,
I called Phil this morning. He is the best. He gave me a text message hug and also talked to me for 4 whole minutes. He told me just what I wanted to hear, that it would all work out. Man, I love that guy even if I didn't want him coaching me a few years ago. I feel even better reading that this Bomani Jones guy from ESPN thinks I'm telling the truth. And Scoop Jackson's advice about it being a business, I've never looked at it that way, but I guess he's right. It really is a business. It's so great to be defended by guys who sit around and write stuff all day, and get advice from them about things they've never done. I've never heard of either guy, but just the fact that people are coming to my defense, it feels good. Actually, I'm also just happy I'm in the spotlight again. Look at all the people who are writing stories about me around the country. I feel like a true superstar again. Now if I can just get all the things I wanted in the first place, this will all have been worth it. I love you, diary. You're MY superstar...more tomorrow.