Golfers are reportedly upset about a Master's course that was "Tiger-proofed" to level the playing field. The problem? Making it harder for Tiger made it twice as hard for everybody else. "It's really unfair," said Woods. "The fans come to see me kick ass, not some overnight sensation nobody knows get lucky because he played less bad than the rest of us. Golf is already boring as hell, we don't need a tougher course to make it more boring. If I want that, I'll just do the US Open twice. To have the winner hit what he's supposed to hit to win...that's just ridiculous. All I can say is, I'm gonna be sore tomorrow. That's how rough it was out there this year. The wind, the length, the cold. You don't expect that in a pussy sport like golf...no offense to women...but I might have to go to my massuese extra this week."
Zach Johnson apologized repeatedly, trying to hand his green jacket to Tiger, telling him "Tiger, you da man" over and over. Tiger, as well as the rest of the field, refused to even look at Johnson, much less talk to him. "He'll get his, that's all I'm gonna say," remarked Singh, briskly walking away as Zack Johnson ran after him, begging for his autograph. Zach soon came back, without an autograph, telling the press he feels just awful about winning, especially because it was at the expense of Tiger Woods. "I deserved the cold shoulder there. I've never felt so rotten about anything in my life. I came to this sport to be ranked, at best, 50 in the world. I never expected to take a championship, especially from Tiger. My coach and my family, even my caddy told me there was a limit to what I was supposed to accomplish. Now I've embarrassed myself, my family and friends, the fine sport of golf, and all those fans of Tiger's. I want to kick my own ass right now."
As people were leaving the match, a random fan was asked about it. "Well...I don't really even care about this sport...if you can call it that. I just came because I got a free ticket and I'm tryin' to impress my ole lady's dad. He's ape nuts about golf. Personally, I think it's stupid. Buncha old men takin' a million years to hit a little ball into a hole in the ground. Then they take two hours to walk to the next hole. It takes more time to walk than to actually play. Now they're cryin' about how tough it is. Give me a break. Allow tacklin' and then they'll see how tough it is." Donning a green Jets jersey and a double-barrelled beer hat, he then mooned the camera and stumbled off in a drunken stupor.
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