Jazz Coach Jerry Sloan Caught Smiling

SLC, Utah - Although he didn't show it, Utah Jazz coach Jerry Sloan was brimming with pride at his team's latest accomplishment. With a somber, straight face he responded to questions from the media after last night's home loss to the Denver Nuggets. "I'm just happy this season. You know, when we had Stockton and Malone, we were expected to win. Between Malone's elbows and Stockton's dirty play, we could count on a few opposing guys going down or at least getting thrown out. Plus, the half-court style of play we had used to bore our opponents to tears. But now, we don't have any old dudes or superstars...Kirilenko might have been one, but the bastard keeps getting injured. You know, back in my day, you played through injuries. Broken finger? Easy. We just lopped the thing off, wrapped it and got back on the court. Hell, we used to smoke during timeouts. You try running up and down that court with lung cancer or emphysema. THAT'S tough."

When steered back on track, Sloan was asked why he would be happy his team is on a five game losing streak. He had this to say. "It's all part of our strategy. You gotta look at the big picture. Taking it one game at a time is really just a buncha bullcrap we say to get you guys off our backs. Thing is, if we beat teams we shouldn't, then lose against teams we should beat, teams don't know what the hell to expect. It throws them off, gives us an advantage you can't buy. Look, we beat Phoenix 3 times, split with Dallas, Detroit and SA. Now you look at this past losing streak. We lost to Seattle, Portland, Sacramento, Golden State, and Denver. Now, Denver's hot right now, but we were at home. And those other teams? Peeeeeyeeeewwww! They belong in the Eastern Conference, that's how much they suck."

So what exactly is the game plan at this point? Well, Sloan wasn't sure, he seemed kind of confused at the question, then gave an answer. "Well, we've had two four game losing streaks this season. I told these guys, if you dig deep, I know you can extend this streak past 4. And whadaya know? For once as the coach of the Jazz, I got my wish. Now, if we continue losing, we could conceivably drop to the #7 seed and face Phoenix, who we beat three times already this year. We got their number baby. That's a sweet matchup in my book." Reminded that he was locked in at the #4 seed as the Northwest Division leader, the smile left Sloan's face as he told the reporter "You have stupid hair...we done here?", then turned and walked away. But we did see a smile...for a moment.